Exam Passing Kit

Hello everybody,

It seems that everybody (including myself) have their exams coming up and I would like to wish you all the best of luck and no doubt some of you will need it.

Before I go on to what this blog is actually about I'd like to point out that while I am wishing everyone luck, if everybody is the people who read this, then everybody is really a very small figure.

Anyway you all no doubt have some form of revision technique.

During exam periods the number of statuses posted on Facebook increases exponentially. People will literally use ANY excuse to let you know what is going on in their lives. I certainly do not rise above this.

The last few magic moments from the life of James Watson have been:

1. "Kenny Rogers at the Edinburgh playhouse? Who's game?!"
2. "Loves Obama again after his speech about the future of NASA!!"
3. "Come on Tottenham!!!!"
4. "Starting to consider the very remote possibility that I should have gone to more tutorials this year."

Who cares?!

The very idea that I should post these things with the opinion that another sentient being outside my skull gives a toss is incredibly vain. I'd like to apologise now for all of them.

Anyway here is my exam survival internet kit. I will be making this up as I go along:

• http://armorgames.com/play/5665/the-flood-runner-2 - Fantastic game. Will while away many an hour!
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjnuBTPOaKY - The Butterfield Diet Plan. If you don't want to revise, I suggest you lose some weight!
• http://www.youtube.com/user/4oDDocumentaries - Tired of learning about things which you need to pass. Why not learn about other things which always seem to be more interesting than whatever your subject is?!
• http://www.kittehroulette.com/ - Look at a random selection of videos of cats
• http://uk.akinator.com/ Try and outsmart this person who tries to think of who you are thinking of. MORE FUN THAN IT SOUNDS
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm6cqpJvsT4 - Watch this repeatedly safe in the knowledge that you will never be in more pain than this man is in at that moment.

With these tools I can guarantee you will be able to procrastinate for many hours whilst you should be fulfilling more meaningful tasks that probably will get us better jobs. Really we should be happy to revise when you think about it. Better grades are a sure fire way of getting a better job, but in the short term we are far more interested in someone who we VAGUELY know on Facebook and what they are getting up to at the weekend. The term for it is time-inconsistency.

Anyway, I hope those links keep you wildly entertained for many years to come!

James

Update

Sorry I have not put anything up here in so long. I suppose you could say I haven't really had anything to say, but you'd be wrong if you said that, so you probably shouldn't.

I've been off university for Easter but the fact of the matter is I have done far more work in this last week and a half than in pretty much the entirety of last semester. The first two years of university could easily be done in one year, but then that would take the fun out of university. Not doing anything at university is a learning experience. For one thing you learn how to fill the time by doing anything except working. There are so many things to do which are far more fun than my course! In any case, a couple of weeks work and you can learn the course because normally your lecturers basically tell you what is going to be in the exam anyway because they don't really want anybody to fail.

Anyway a few things have been on my mind recently. Here are a few that I can remember:

• I hate it when food describes itself as "tasty" or "mouth watering" I am sure that whatever bastard is working in marketing who is writing that this chicken is "succulent" has never eaten the sodding product in his life. He is paid to potentially lie to thousands of people with the tool of packaging because many people will believe that a Rustlers burger is "tender" even though there are boots with a more tender nature, not to mention better seasoning. The idea that every product will be "tasty" is also a complete lie. There is a good chance that this sticker will at some point be slapped onto something which is moudly! I'd like it if people who had eaten the product could come into the supermarket after they had bought it and the product would have a space on the packaging for customer comments like "yeah it was alright, might get another one" or "DONT BYE DIS. HAD DA RUNS FOR FOUR DAYZ!!!!!" It would at least be a little more honest.
  
  
• While we are on the topic of food another advertising idea which really pisses me off is when supermarkets point out that their chickens are "100% Pure British" Thats ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PURE BRITISH. Not just 50% British. Oh no, this isn't the sort of chicken whose father had an affair with and then married married their Polish house maid. This is an upstanding "renaissance man" sort of chicken. This is a 100 percent British chicken. This isnt even a chicken, whose Jewish mother, fearing persecution from the Nazis during the second world war, fled to France, to marry a French farmer, only to have to flee to Britain after the German invasion of France in the summer of 1940 to start over a new life in a strange country. THIS IS 100 PERCENT BRITISH. A queen loving, god fearing British chicken. Get a bloody grip, its British or it's not.
  
  
• I've had rather a good idea which will never happen but would nonetheless be quite a good idea. There is a lot of problems with drink driving in the UK, and a lot of people do it, putting other drivers who are sober at serious risk and costing the NHS a lot of money. So I have an idea. When the pubs close between 1am and 2am is DRINK-DRIVING HOUR. For one hour drink driving is completely legal. Not only this but it will be an offence to be caught on the road sober. Drink drivers will be free to drive as drunk as they want for one hour to get home. No other motorists will be allowed on the road ensuring that drink drivers will only crash into other drink drivers and unfortunate pedestrians. During this hour any 999 call relating to a road traffic accident will not be answered and it will be assumed that you are absolutely smashed and have crashed your car under the influence of drink. Over time the bad drink drivers will be whittled down as the worse ones succumb to one too many pints at the pub and don't make it home. The best drink drivers will survive. After 2am its business as usual! Of course daylight savings will be a special occasion. For two nights of the year, drink driving is legal for 3 HOURS A NIGHT! This is due to discrepancies of when people change their clocks at either midnight or 2am. It will also make sure that nobody is sober on the roads. Its a twisted beautiful idea of Darwinism at work and I really think it would save a lot of people and get rid of a lot of morons!

Well those are my ideas and thoughts of recent. I also noted that much of my conceptions about Roman Catholicism are entirely based on the fantastic television series, Father Ted. I have decided that this probably isnt a good idea and I have decided to watch a history of Christianity television series which has been quite good so far.

I hope you are all well! Will try and remember to update this more often. You're all great! And if you aren't, you'll probably never know I don't think you're great!

James

Some More Thoughts

Well once again I can only apologise for not updating this. I suppose how often I update it is proportional to how much of a life I have, and thankfully recently I have been having more of a life. From this I guess you could draw the conclusion that when I am writing this blog I am unhappy and am not having much of a life, but that isn't true.

I am watching Jaws 2 right now. Some teenagers are frolicking in some small sail-boats which look decidedly un-sharkproof. This film has received a rating on IMDB of 5.6, which suggests that it is pretty awful. It got me thinking, before a film is released, the people who made it must have a pretty good idea of whether the film they have made is any good or not. But then people make taglines for the films which make it sound absolutely incredible!!! Why don't, when people realise that they have made a pretty average film generate taglines such as "It's better than you might think" or "You might like it, and if not, it's an alright film to go and see with your girlfriend" It's not even like taglines drag you in to a film. I can't think of a single tagline that has made me go and see a film. It just makes films that have been released and been given bad reviews look even worse because they are trying to make them look good. And this is my opinion on movie taglines

Another thought I have been having recently is how loud your eating is when you are actually eating. It's usually pretty easy to gauge with soft food, but then we get to tricky things like crisps. Of course, all crisps are not the same crunchiness. How the hell do you know how loud you are eating for certain?! And then there are those things which make your teeth squeak. You know the sort of thing I am talking about, Skittles are a prime example of these. When your teeth squeak it seems to be really really loud. But is it really THAT loud?! How loud is it?!

Some Thoughts

Sorry for not updating this in a while. I dont really have a reason for updating it. I have had plenty of things to talk about but for some reason I haven't written anything down.

Nothing exciting has happened to me. Went to a flat party last night and drank a little too much. Ran home in a pair of shorts, a T shirt and a pair of water wings, which was rather cold. The party was really good though!

I'd like to share a theory with you. If you have ever seen the Trumann Show, but basically the guy's life is a TV show and essentially the whole world revolves around him. You've probably all thought this about your life. The truth is it's a very nice idea, but its also your head trying to justify yourself as important in a universe where you are really really insignificant. But that's not the point of what I am going to say.

The idea is the "whole world being something or other" thesis. My theory developed while I was really bored in a lecture, and I realised sometimes the lecturer spoke as if they were drunk. For a couple of days this made my lectures much more interesting, but then my theory expanded to the idea that the whole lecture theatre was drunk except me. It is by far the greatest thing I have ever learned in a lecture theatre. Next time you are in a lecture theatre, imagine that absolutely everybody is pissed but you. Everybody is incredibly drunk!! It is a really good way of passing time in a lecture if you realise you are not taking anything in.

Tomorrow I am meeting my Asian super-genius friend once again for the poster putting-together session. I will be very happy to have this thing out of the way. It has been dragging on for far too long!

Hope everybody is well!

James

Back to Unattractiveness

Well, today I went back to being a 3. Its not that fun being a 6 anyway. No reason to dress up. I suppose we'll all look the same in 100 years! What a happy theory that is!

Today I made a number of observations about life, most of which I have forgotten and in all honesty were probably not really that funny at all.

It is pretty hard for a blog to be funny really. My last one tried to be funny, but looking back on it, the whole thing wasn't really that funny at all. I laugh at it now only because I am a complete prick!

I observe things all the time though, they aren't funny and in all likelihood people don't really agree with me. For example today I observed that when a less attractive person comes into a lecture lateI am angry but when a really attractive one does I don't care. What a stupid idea! That makes no sense at all, but nonetheless I feel this way. I noticed it in my Politics of the Welfare State lecture where there are more dyke haircuts than anywhere else I have ever seen. Why is it that girls, who I would say are mostly to the left of the spectrum have dyke haircuts? Is it because they are interested in social policy? Are they so socialist that they feel they have to love everybody, so that means loving both sexes? AM I GOING TO BECOME LIKE THIS?! I didn't take the first semester course so it could be that it takes a semester before it sinks in.

These were my thoughts while our lecturer lectured us on whatever we were supposed to be learning about. I came to the conclusion that they won't get to me though. Not a chance!

The Nando's which has been under construction below our flat has finally opened for business. Yep, the bastards who hammered and drilled their way into our nightmares are now making money from their endeavours. It must have seemed so easy for the bastards who walked past it every day as it was being constructed, planning to one day go in, to just walk in. Not only have our flat had to put up with the bastarding thing being built but I can't afford to go!

Things I have noticed today are:
I like being the first one who crosses the road when the traffic lights are red but pedestrians are unsure if that car which is coming is going to stop or mow them down. I feel like some commissar on the eastern front, exhorting my brethren beside me to surge forward and capture the other side of the road.

If you have terrible eyesight with your glasses off like me, take your glasses off and walk to a lecture, then walk back with your glasses on, and it is by far the greatest feeling ever. I think it is a little what Robocop felt like after he had his shit messed up and then they rebuild him and everything is great.

I have consumed 6 kilos of pasta in less than 60 days. I'd like to point out that this is a monumentous achievement. My dad said that would do me till the end of the semester, in a joking way suggesting it would last much longer. 60 days ladies and gentlemen!

I think thats all I have to say, I have discovered with the aid of friends that you cannot comment on this if you do not have a Google account, so I am going to assume by your silence that you are dumbfounded by the fantastic blog which you are reading daily.

Hope everybody is well!

James

An Attractive Day!

Today I decided to make an effort to make myself look slightly more attractive. I have to admit that I have not really put much effort into my appearance of late, but I am hoping that this will change. Ironically, my reasons for smartening up my visage was to go and apply for a bank overdraft that will hopefully tide me over until my flat is let out. The people move in on the first of April so it will be a good feeling to actually be making some money out of this cursed enterprise!

I'd certainly say that how confidently you walk, how confident you are at dealing with situations and your general feeling towards life changes the more attractive you believe yourself to be. I would say on my best days, on a scale of one to ten I would be about a 6. Maybe if my hair is the right length and the gods are feeling in a generous mood and you catch me in the right light I can be a 7. However, normally I am a 3. At the gym, a 2.

Anyway the point I am trying to make is that I react completely differently when I am feeling unattractive to feeling attractive.

I am finding getting out of bed increasingly difficult in the morning. The only way I have found to do it is to imagine I am Tom Hanks at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan. I am in my comfortable landing craft of a bed, a little cold, but pretty safe. Then the ramp goes down, or the cover comes off. I rush for cover which in this case is a towel, but would be a hedgehog defence on June 6th. I immediately rush to create a beach-head by rushing out of my room through to the boiler which I swiftly turn on. I will feel no benefit from this selfless act because I will long have left the flat before any heat comes through. However, I am Tom Hanks, and this suicidal heroism is simply part of my job. After battling my way through to the bathroom I leap into the relative warmth and safety of a sand berm (or warm water) only to have to rush to more cover once my shower is finished.

It could be that I'm thinking too much about this but if it helps me get up in the morning then I suppose it can only be a good thing. How do you people get up in the morning?

In fact, can somebody just clear this up for me? Can you post without being a member here?! I'd like to know!

I've rambled enough

Hope everybody is well!

James

Annoying People In The Library

Today I annoyed people in the library by standing up and pretending to leave, giving students a short sunray of hope that they may finally get a computer and print off their coursework which is due in 25 minutes. But then I would sit down again and this beacon of joy would be snuffed out once more.

I don't think I am alone in feeling that when you are not on a computer it is the crime of the century that somebody is on Facebook, but when you have one, you're just 'going on a break' when you're on it.

This evening I am preparing my research for when I next meet my Asian super-genius tomorrow for our 4 times weekly economics presentation meeting. As I pointed out to someone the other day, our meetings are essentially this advert, but not funny at all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0FULHGwPkw

Despite my lack of enthusiasm for these meetings, the guy is a complete genius and in all likelihood will get me the best grade I will get this year so I really shouldn't complain. If there were more Peng's in the world and less people like me in the world, we probably wouldn't be in this economic crisis.

Tonight I have bought a box of steamed vegetables. I am finding it hard to eat five a day. To be honest I am finding it hard to eat one a day. But this box says that one 80 gram serving is equal to one portion of vegetables, and the box weighs 300 grams. By consuming the whole thing I will almost be up to my five a day for today at least!

This blog is a little different from my last one because essentially all the last one did was talk about my love life, which as you can tell from my last post was not particularly successful. I'm hoping I avoid this topic completely!

Hope everybody is well!

James